How Well Do You Know Your Partner? Questions To Ask Yourself
Knowing more about your significant other—such as their likes/dislikes, values, and motivations—can help you be a better partner and take your relationship to the next level. When partners understand one another, they may be better able to communicate, provide each other support, and work together.
It’s not always easy to fill any gaps in knowledge that may exist, though. To help you develop a more thorough understanding of your partner, we’ve gathered a series of questions that can help you evaluate your level of knowledge about them, along with tips for strengthening your connection. Read on to learn more.
How well do you know your partner?
Is your partner shy and reserved? Or do they prefer the company of others? Would they rather stay in on the weekends? Or do they like to be out and about?
General questions
Knowing what your partner likes, dislikes, fears or dreams about can provide you with an abundance of interesting information about them. You may consider asking yourself the following questions about your partner. If you’re not able to answer them, you may consider asking your partner yourself.
- What about you do they love the most?
- What about themselves do they love the most?
- What habit of yours do they wish you would improve on? How about their own?
- What is their favorite book, movie or tv show? Why?
- What is their most comforting memory?
- Where do they dream of visiting the most?
- What are some of their short-term and long-term goals?
- What are their favorite hobbies?
- What are they afraid of?
- What makes them sad?
- How do they get along with their parents or siblings?
- Who is their best friend? Why?
- Where do they want to live when they retire? Why?
- How do they calm down when they’re angry or upset?
Exploring communication style
In addition to developing a better understanding of who your significant other is, it can be important to know how they operate and communicate within your relationship for a greater sense of harmony and synergy.
Understanding your partner’s communication style can help you express your thoughts and feelings with one another while also allowing you to fulfill each other’s needs. Talking about your feelings can be a great way to strengthen your relationship by increasing emotional intimacy and trust.
As you work together in a relationship, it can also help to know what your partner’s, and your own, primary communication style is. Three common communication styles to possibly consider are passive, assertive, and aggressive styles.
Although you may have one primary type of communication, people might transition to different communication styles depending on who they are talking to and the type of situation they are presented with.
Before you begin forming questions in this area, you might consider reviewing the descriptions below to help you better determine what your partner’s primary communication style is—and then see if you can identify what your own primary communication style is.
Are they a passive communicator?
Individuals who communicate in a passive manner might often:
- Prioritize the needs of others before their own
- Seem soft-spoken
- Lack of assertiveness when expressing their needs and wants
- Allow others to manipulate or take advantage of them
- Lack of confidence and self-esteem
- Struggle to maintain eye contact with others
Are they an assertive communicator?
Individuals who communicate in an assertive manner might often:
- Advocate for themselves (such as when they express needs, wants, feelings or beliefs)
- Listen without interrupting
- Advocate for their beliefs
- Display a confident tone while speaking
- Exhibit respect for others
- Maintain eye contact
- Compromise
Are they an aggressive communicator?
Individuals who communicate in an aggressive manner might often:
- Use criticism, dominance, or humiliation to control conversations
- Speak loudly or in an overbearing manner
- Become frustrated easily
- Disrespect the opinions of others
- Interrupt
- Avoid compromise
If you find that your partner communicates in either a passive or an aggressive style, you might consider how that influences your interactions. You may realize that certain disputes you’ve had in the past might have been the result of differences in how you express yourselves. You might also notice that you might, at times, display some of the traits of an aggressive or passive communicator—and that modifying that behavior may help you get on the same page with your partner.
No matter what you discover, you can consider talking to your partner about their communication style and finding out how you can better understand one another.
Questions to help strengthen your relationship
Now that you’ve asked yourself (and, possibly, your significant other) the above questions, you may have a better idea about aspects of your partnership you’d like to enhance. Here are a few questions to ask that could help you improve your relationship:
- What first attracted you to your partner?
- Do you remember the moment that you knew that you fell in love with your partner?
- How would you describe your partner to a stranger?
- Is there a date you’d like to plan for your partner?
- How did you flirt with your partner when you first met? Do you still do that?
- What are some things your partner does that you love?
- How can you show more love to your partner on an everyday basis?
Tips for deepening your connection
In relationships, continuing to cultivate a strong bond with your partner—even after many years—can be vital. As relationships grow, partners might sometimes become complacent and less focused on showing one another love. However, there are things you can do every day to foster closeness.
Here are some examples of ways to deepen your connection with your partner and put your love into action:
- Highlight the positives about your partner daily
- Discuss and plan your future together
- Show your partner support regarding their individual life goals and accomplishments
- Acknowledge that there is generally always room for self-improvement
- Be accountable and reliable, and always try to keep your word.
- Plan and engage in activities that you know they love
- Surprise your partner with thoughtful, meaningful gestures
- Identify and learn your partner's love language—whether it is words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time, or acts of service
- Prepare meals together
- Create and maintain a stress-free and peaceful home environment
How online therapy can help
Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp have been found by many to be just as effective overall as traditional face-to-face therapy options when it comes to enhancing relationship functioning.
If you’re looking for guidance when it comes to improving communication or emotional intimacy in your relationship, you might consider utilizing an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. With online therapy, you can talk to a licensed therapist remotely—which can be helpful if you’re not comfortable discussing your relationship with your partner in person.
Your therapist can then connect you with useful resources, such as at-home exercises geared toward improving communication skills. A qualified mental health professional can also help you nurture healthy relationships and foster close connections with your loved ones.
Is online therapy effective?
Research shows that approximately 19% of distressed couples seek therapy to improve their relationship, and only 37% of divorced couples seek therapy prior to ending their marriage. Even when therapy is sought out, there’s a drop-out rate of over 50%.
With online therapy, one study found that this drop-out rate can be reduced to just 14% for couples. Researchers in the study also found that participants who completed online therapy generally experienced an increase in relationship functioning, satisfaction, and overall quality.
Takeaway
What are good relationship questions?
Relationship questions can be a fun activity for a first date. They can also be a useful way for existing couples to get to know each other on a deeper level. They can range from deep questions to playful comparisons, thought experiments, and more.
Examples of questions to ask a partner might include:
- What is your dream job?
- What do you want your life to look like in ten years?
- Do you see yourself ever getting married?
- How do you feel about having kids?
- What are the top three things on your bucket list?
- Who is your celebrity crush?
- What are your biggest guilty pleasures?
- What would your dream vacation be?
- What is your biggest regret?
Questions like these may help you get to know your partner better, whether you’ve been together for a while or you’re in the early stages of your relationship. Asking yourself these questions can also help you evaluate how well you know your partner.
What are some would you rather questions for partners?
“Would you rather” questions are designed to be answered by picking between two options. Some examples for couples might include:
- Would you rather live in a big city or a small town?
- Would you rather spend your free time outdoors or indoors?
- Would you rather have one million dollars now or ten million dollars in ten years?
- Would you rather go back in time and talk to your younger self or go forward in time and talk to your future self?
- Would you rather always be too early or always be running late?
These sorts of questions may help you better understand your partner and their logic for making decisions. You can also ask yourself what your partner’s answers might be to assess your understanding of them.
What are intimacy questions?
Asking questions about intimate topics may support a healthy sex life and help you understand your partner’s preferences. If you don’t know the answers to these questions, it may be worth having a conversation with your partner.
Some examples of intimacy questions might include:
- What are your physical boundaries?
- How do you like to express love physically?
- How would you describe your sex drive?
- Do you feel like your physical needs are being met?
- Is there anything we haven’t tried yet that you would like to try?
It can be helpful to avoid asking about your partner’s past sexual experiences unless they bring them up first. It can also be important not to pressure your partner to discuss topics that make them uncomfortable.
How do I have deep talks with my partner?
Having deep talks with your partner can be useful for addressing issues and answering questions that you may still have about them. Some tips that may help you have deep conversations with your partner include:
- Make sure you have the conversation at an appropriate time and place, like a date night or another setting with limited distractions
- Let your partner know ahead of time what you want to talk about
- Practice healthy communication techniques like active listening
- Use open-ended questions to give your partner space to respond
- Avoid rushing to judgment or jumping to conclusions
If you’re struggling to have deep talks with your partner, it can help to ask yourself how you might bring up the topic with a family member or a good friend. Speaking to a relationship specialist, like a licensed marriage and family therapist, may also be helpful.
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